He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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