I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
