Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
