Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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