Having a random hookup so left but love u
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
