make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
