I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
