Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
