look no pants
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
