I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
