When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
