definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
