I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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