yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
