I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
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I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
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I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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