I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
