Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
