glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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