I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
