i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
