and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
