he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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