I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize