he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
