So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
