I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
