I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
