would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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