Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
