They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
