Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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