this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize