WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
