currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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