she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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