how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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