I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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