I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Alive.
So much puke
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
