You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
