The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have fence marks all over my body
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
