he looks like a really good dad on facebook
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
