You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
