Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
