I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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