The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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