id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
