How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
