You just made me feel so damn special
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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