FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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