i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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