By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Buhtt sex?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
