someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
