so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
