White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
