just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
