You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
