called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize