Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
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