Christians are straight up FREAKS
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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