he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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