sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
