how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
